#4 Laziness

March 4, 2008

I’m too lazy to run this site efficiently.


#3 BBQs

February 25, 2008


BBQs have the power to make black people “act a fool”. I have first hand experience of watching respectable black people lose most of their inhibitions and behaving in a manner that they would otherwise wish to dissociate themselves from.


I’m not sure whether it’s the lure of free* food, the BBQ sauces reacting with the cooking meat or the prospect of interacting with other black people in a non-threatening environment, but black people exude a different persona at a BBQ. I knew one black lawyer who worked for a Big Law firm that proceeded to strip half naked and jump in the pool with a buxom young lady. When the BBQ was winding down, he said to me “let’s keep my actions between the two of us, ok?”

I can recite numerous occasions where I have (near enough) witnessed and certainly heard children being conceived in nearby locations. I would postulate that more children are conceived at or as a consequence of black BBQs than at fertility clinics.

Despite their antics, 99%** of black people will always have fun at a BBQ. They are joyful occasions, in which black people can forget the worries of life (being hunted by “the man”/police/baby mothers/exes/rival gang members/employers) and enjoy good food and good company.

* This may not always be the case. I’ve been to BBQs where I was charged on entry or requested to bring something.

** The 1% that don’t have fun come from the demographic that like to go to parties and not dance. They always look miserable wherever they go.


#2 Old School

February 23, 2008

Old SchoolNot the film, but the reminiscence of a time/style where things are perceived to be more authentic.

Taking something “back to the old school” or taking something “old-school” can allude to many things. The former phrase is predominantly used in music and musical events. There is a current perception (by older generations of black people) that the music of today has no substance. They like to reminisce or play music from their younger days.

Taking something “old-school” can also refer to a style of performing an act that may be considered to be from previous generations. Dancing, rapping, a specific move in basketball and even certain cookery dishes can be taken old-school. For example, “did you see Shaun blow past mike on the court and ended with the George Gervin-esque finger roll? He took it old-school.


#1 Chicken

February 22, 2008

Fried chicken
I have come across many types of black people. Well educated black people that attend(ed) private schools and go on to have Ivy League educations. Black people from poor neighbourhoods that can barely read or write. However, one thing is universal in all the black people I’ve met, their love of chicken.

Fried chicken, BBQ chicken, grilled chicken, kung-pow chicken, jerk chicken, you name it, they love it. Even when dining at (relatively) upmarket restaurants, black people will usually opt for the chicken dish, believing that chicken is one thing that cannot be cooked incorrectly. Also, black people do not discriminate when eating chicken, they will eat a whatever part of the (cooked) chicken that’s available.

The love of chicken is so strong with black people that a perfect chicken dish served on a date could be the deciding factor between a 2nd/3rd date and subsequent bedroom activities and never seeing the person again.

Black people also love to proclaim the largest amount of chicken they have eaten in one sitting, “man, I had like 10 chicken wings, 2 thighs, and a drumstick. I took a break then ate another whole chicken. That’s gangsta!”